The Control of the Population Act
An Official Act of the
Government of the Great Commonwealth of the Ibrosian Democracy
æcté d’wesetilk d’ŷe
grande wealth d’commune dek Lk’esoeseak-Iboroseỗ
Whereas the population of persons
in Ibrosia should be controlled in some way, and
Whereas immigration banning and
limiting is unconstitutional
Therefore,
I. Should the population of the Province of Redéke Island and Dependences be greater than twelve on the night of a full moon, it shall be perfectly legal to shoot a Welshman with a bow and arrow on Niweilk Isle, under the assumption at least two Welshmen reside within the Ibrosian Democracy.
II. This shooting may only be carried out should the aforementioned Welshman have passed bodily fluids within the province within the past five days.
III. Should it be that the aforestated Welshman does not die from injuries inflicted, he shall be compensated by the archer for the value of clothing ruined and medical bills – in pre decimalised British currency and presented with a folded British Union Flag, Welsh Dragon Flag, a leaf of purple heather and a dram of single malt whiskey, aged at least eight years.
IV. Should it be that the Welshman shot should die, the archer must pay funeral costs, including the cost of draping the coffin with a St David’s Cross and present the mother of the deceased with a Hilton Hotels emergency sowing kit, and the father with a family sized packet of sherbet lemons.
V. The archer must then proceed to the nearest Public House to engage in a drunken dance, symbolic of the killing and involving some form of stag impersonation.
VI. The details of the deceased should be then sent by courier to the Office of the Governor of the Senate, by the archer in Latin.
VII. Should this not arrive within fifty days of the incident, the archer shall be liable for a public spanking and shall be forced to sing ‘Land of Hope and Glory’ in the Glasgow City Chambers while dressed in a white shell suit and baseball cap, with a small gold earring on his or her left ear.
IX. Short Title, Commencement and Extent of this Act
(1) This Act may be cited as the Control of Population Act 2002
(2) This act shall come into effect upon the passing by the éhoi and authorisation by the Returning Officer
(3) This Act extends to
(a) The Great Commonwealth of the Ibrosian Democracy
(b) The Province of Redéke Island and Dependences
“Long Live the Great Commonwealth”